


Deal With The Devil

by Avdol



Category: Helltaker (Video Game)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-27
Updated: 2020-06-27
Packaged: 2021-03-03 23:21:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,601
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24933685
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Avdol/pseuds/Avdol
Summary: "If Hitler invaded Hell, I would at least make a favorable reference to the Devil in the House of Commons." -- Winston Churchill.
Comments: 7
Kudos: 37





	Deal With The Devil

**Author's Note:**

> Before I start this off, I'd like to note that all religious references are either used as lore and/or satire. I apologize if any of my content offends someone out there.
> 
> I do not own Helltaker.

In all her years as the CEO of Hell, Lucifer Morningstar couldn't have possibly seen something like this coming. 

Hitler's legions marched into her domain and Hell was now under attack from the German Reich, under threat of being occupied like so much of Europe.

She had observed the ongoings of Europe with interest when tens of millions of souls flooded into Heaven and Hell alike between 1914-1918. Who knew that some Austrian corporal from that horrific war would've gone on to become the Chancellor of post-war Germany?

Of course, she'd laughed and sipped her wine when it looked like Europe was to go to war once again, expecting yet another brutal war of attrition that would see an influx of more souls into Hell and making the necessary preparations to prevent a repeat of the bureaucratic chaos of the First World War. 

Oh, how Lucifer absolutely _loathed_ paperwork and bureaucracy after that madness. 

She hadn't expected the Germans to achieve glorious success after glorious success in Belgium and France, watching in disbelief as they drove the remains of the Allied armies to the sea and nearly off the European continent entirely after the evacuation at Dunkirk. Oh well, it meant business was booming in Hell, no? 

It wasn't like Hitler and his allies could reach her Kingdom after all, right? 

But, of course, that couldn't just be the case. Now, the existence of Hell was revealed for all to see and the CEO of Hell was not exactly pleased at this revelation. 

What was it Mr. Churchill had said in 1941? Something about making a favorable reference to herself if Hitler invaded Hell?

She couldn't help but chuckle at that now infamous quote, even if it had been talking about the British Empire allying with Stalin's Russia if Hitler should invade. Last she'd heard, the Russians were putting up a good fight. Then again, the last nation who'd tried to take Moscow hadn't done so well when the Russians marched into Paris a few years later.

Seeing shifting movement out of the corner of her eye, Lucifer turned to find a wide-eyed man dressed in a nice Victorian-style suit staring at her and she stared back unblinkingly. 

This staring contest continued for a moment before the man lost his nerve and switched seats, opting to sit across from her. Lucifer shook her head, giggling at the fear that was practically rolling off him in waves and leaned against her seat. Her crimson pupils flicked from the nervous man to observe the train she was riding in the Underground. 

The train's inhabitants intermittently looked over at her, occasionally meeting her gaze and quickly looking away afterwards. No one wanted to look the Queen of Hell in the eye. 

An accented baritone voice to Lucifer's left caught her attention, "Miss Morningstar, don't you think you could go through the day without scaring the good people of London?" 

It belonged to none other than the "escort" London assigned the CEO of Hell, a 6 ft. tall Zulu soldier known as Private Kagiso Shaka. A veteran of the Union Defense Force of South Africa, Shaka fought in France when the Germans invaded and gone on to fight with the South African 1st Infantry Division in Libya and Egypt. He was currently relaxing against the rather uncomfortable seat of the Underground train, a submachine gun in his lap. 

Not that she particularly cared about one's race but she couldn't help but wonder whether or not the South African private had been sent to escort her as a snub. Nonetheless, he did make for good company when too many were too afraid to speak to her. Maybe he could be her most treasured slave when this was all said and done.

Lucifer smiled sickeningly sweetly at the Zulu, leaning forward to talk to him, "Live a little, won't you Shaka? Besides, they're already terrified of me as it is."

Shaka simply snorted and held up the Catholic rosary he'd been absentmindedly kneading in his fingers as if that would deter her, "Don't worry Beelzebub, I'll pray for you." 

"I do keep telling people that Beel is my sister but alas, no one seems to listen to me. Would you perhaps like to be exiled like she was?"

"You like me too much to do that. After all, I am your only friend, yeah?"

The good people of London riding the Underground could only watch in stunned silence as the Queen of Hell bantered with a Zulu as they reached their destination. 

She shot up from her seat when the train halted and patted herself off, walking forward as the now standing people hurriedly parted way for Lucifer. Shaka simply sighed and jogged over to join his escort as they made their way to the Palace of Westminster. It was where Lucifer was to make the case for Hell alongside Prime Minister Winston Churchill. 

It wasn't long before the two ran into the paparazzi gathered outside the residence of the Parliament of the United Kingdom, nearly blinded by the flashes of the cameras and nearly deafened by the rapid-fire questions of the reporters trying to ask Lucifer Morningstar. They even asked questions to Shaka who simply responded with, "No comment."

Revealing a set of sharp to the touch teeth that looked like they could cut through flesh as if it were butter was enough to scare them off as she walked past the crowd and into the Palace where one of Churchill's aides was ready to accompany and inform her before she got into the cluster fuck that was the House of Commons.

"Miss Morningstar, I've taken the liberty of writing a speech for you, here it is-"

After hearing that, Lucifer cut her off with a wave of her hand and said, "I'm sorry, I don't recall requesting for you to write my own speech for me. I already have my own."

The aide fumbled for a moment and stuttered, "B-But the Prime Minister insisted that everything needed to be done perfectly to cement an alliance with your d-domain."

' _Of course that bumbling sack of fat, tobacco and scotch did,_ ' Lucifer thought in disdain which must have showed on her face, if the aide's sudden stream of apologies was anything to go off of, "It isn't your fault and I will be talking to Winston after this but only after giving my own speech."

The aide was speechless, staring at her with eyes as wide as plates and with unmitigated horror evident on her face. Desperate, she turned to Shaka who shrugged and unhelpfully said, "Don't ask me." as the CEO of Hell walked ahead of the two and attracted stares and gossip. Shaka briskly walked over to her while the unnamed aide struggled to keep up and it wasn't long before the trio found themselves at the door to the House of Commons, met only by another one of Churchill's aides.

Wordlessly, the male aide opened the doors to whatever fresh hell she was about to enter and gestured for her to enter. She nodded in thanks to the aides and Shaka before entering.

Lucifer wasn't going to lie - she was never very fond of politics, whether they concerned that of Humanity or between Heaven and Hell. It didn't mean she didn't have centuries of experience under her belt when it came to Hell, haggling with Heaven, etc. and she certainly wasn't afraid to use it against the British. Here she was at its heart either way.

The members of the House of Commons stared at the Queen of Hell who returned the stare momentarily and moved forward to take her seat next to the Prime Minister of the United Kingdom himself, Winston Churchill. He squinted over at her and said in that rather humorous voice of his, "Hullo, Miss Morningstar. I take it your ride was a good one?"

She snorted and said quietly, "Unfortunately, my ride didn't show up at all. Seems as though the chauffeur was too afraid of me to show up. I took the Underground."

To her surprise and his credit, he frowned and remarked, "How unfortunate. I'll be sure to give him a stern talking-to after we finish this up."

"That'd be kind of you, although I did enjoy riding the Underground and terrifying its occupants. However, I would like to ask you to let me write my own speeches."

Churchill sniggered in response, earning a raised brow from her as the MPs stared all the while. The scene of the British Prime Minister speaking in a hushed tone with the Queen of Hell as if they were schoolchildren trading secrets in class was a surreal one, if not outright humorous to some.

The division bell rang out, indicating a start to the parliamentary proceedings and suddenly ending the seemingly endless muttering that took place. The voice of the Speaker of the House of Commons could be heard reverberating throughout the large room, "The Prime Minister!" 

The aforementioned Prime Minister stood up, thumbing the laurels of his suit and pulling out a neatly-folded paper to place on the despatch box before him. Adjusting his glasses, he briefly looked back at Lucifer who returned the look with a now blank expression on her face and turned back to address the House.

"Mr. Speaker, it was only a few weeks ago that I received notice of the German invasion of . . . Hell itself. It was only two days prior by which I received the opportunity to meet with Miss Morningstar and invited her to London with the intention of providing her with the chance to speak in favor of her Kingdom. As I have previously stated before, we must use any means at our disposal to achieve victory, even if it includes, quite literally in this case, making a deal with the devil."

Uneasy chuckles could be heard at Churchill's attempt at humor but they did nothing for the nervous stares in her direction. Lucifer simply shifted in her seat, crossing her legs and interlacing her fingers neatly in her lap. 

"With this in mind, I would like to invite Miss Morningstar to take the floor."

A fierce round of muttering and conversation went up amongst the Members of Parliament but it simmered down when the Speaker of the House brought down his gavel twice, though it didn't go unnoticed when his voice wavered as he announced, "Miss Lucifer Morningstar, Queen of Hell."

With that, she nodded in the direction of the Speaker - poor thing looked like he was going to have a heart attack - and stood up to take her position at the despatch box. 

Lucifer cleared her throat and begun speaking, "It was in the summer of 1941 that Hitler's armies swept into Hell without a formal declaration of war, in spite of the lack of aggression between the two states and in spite of the fact that the existence of Hell was not yet known."

The confused expressions were to be expected. After all, who in their right mind would declare war on an entity whose existence was questionable, let alone one that punished the damned for all eternity? Honestly, she was lucky that it hadn't been a war waged against the other religious realms which didn't adhere to Abrahamic rites. 

She didn't even want to imagine the sheer paperwork and clogged levels of bureaucracy she'd have to go through for that.

Nonetheless, she continued, "I ask that His Majesty's Government, Parliament and the British nation to stand resolutely with my Demonic kin as we struggle for our right to self-determination and freedom, lest we succumb to the same fate Abyssinia did in 1936, China in 1937, Austria in 1938 and what was left of Czechoslovakia in 1939."

Lucifer observed the expressions of the MPs, quite a few of them guilty over the nations they'd abandoned to the Germans and their allies. Others were mostly bewildered at the idea of Hell being a nation comparable to Britain, or really, Hell being a cohesive country to begin with. She cleared her throat - as hilarious as their expressions were, this was a serious matter.

The CEO of Hell spoke up once more, "We, alongside the free and virtuous nations of the Allied Powers, stand in solidarity against the Axis nations determined to stomp out any sort of notion of an independent world order dedicated to the proposition of equality for all. Herr Hitler seeks to cover the world in darkness and spread their tyranny to the ends of the earth and now, to the ends of Hell itself. Who's to say Heaven won't be next?"

Now that got their attention. An anxious "Hear, hear," was collectively offered and Lucifer went on unabated.

"As we speak, Hell has now become, well, _hell_ for the German forces occupying my domain, just as "Uncle Joe" has been doing in the Russian heartland. Demons are being worked around the clock in simultaneously defending our lands and punishing the damned who continue to flow into our domain as the war rages on. I myself will soon be heading back to Hell to take coordinate our war effort against the Germans and their allies."

Another "Hear, hear," reverberated throughout the room, with a few MPs waving their white handkerchiefs in what Lucifer assumed was some show of solidarity.

"I don't think my Father will be particularly pleased at the idea that even my domain is under attack. Perhaps I'll make a call to Heaven to discuss a matter like this."

She'd probably have to go anyway. The Archangels and Saints were, to put this politely, frothing at the mouth when they'd heard about Hitler's invasion. Not necessarily because it was a violation of Hell's sovereignty but rather, because the pissant Austrian might figure out a way to do the same to Heaven.

Besides, it'd be fun to see how the overly-militarized realm would react to such an occurrence. She'd heard about some curious little Angels wandering around in her own realm and did want to talk about what Angels were doing in her domain. Maybe her brothers would actually welcome her instead of shunning her.

Lucifer observed at the fierce muttering the House of Commons devolved into at the mention of her Father and smiled, "At any rate, I should really be going." With a wave of her hand, the Queen of Hell summoned a glass of Hell's finest wine and sipped from it as a crackling crimson portal was summoned. She sharply turned on her heel and wordlessly left the mortal realm for the familiar comfort of her office, only hearing the collective gasps of the United Kingdom's Parliament.

She stared into the glass of wine in her right hand, swirling it around for a few moments before taking another sip. The French really knew their wine. Too bad their country was now split between German occupation and one of Hitler's stooges, some washed-up marshal from World War I. 

If Lucifer was being honest, this whole affair was rather entertaining. Sure, a third of Hell was under German occupation and it was an existential battle taking the lives of thousands by the day but it was the first interesting thing to happen in Hell in centuries, since ol' Beel had tried to rebel against her authority and promptly got her ass exiled.

Lucifer leaned forward and pressed a button on her office phone, "Pandemonica? 

The Tired Demon replied back almost immediately, "Yes, Miss Morningstar?"

"Arrange an appointment with the General Archangel ASAP."

"Yes, Miss Morningstar."

This truly was entertaining in its own way, wouldn't you agree?

**Author's Note:**

> Well, that was my first fic. I don't know if I captured Lucifer's character well, if at all, so I'd appreciate some constructive criticism.


End file.
